Is this Cute?

Cute Overload has deemed this animal adorable. Even more shocking, people seem to agree. Personally, I find the Pygmy Jerboa absolutely, unquestionably horrifying. It looks like someone tried to cross a chick with a rat and it went terribly wrong, resulting in an animal I previously thought reserved only for Dreamworks. I'm not sure if it is the long, thick tail, body-to-feet ratio, or fact that they can jump 3 feet, but I am going to have nightmares rivaling those of the Freddy Krueger variety.¹

These mutants are apparently rampant in Pakistan - good thing the Muslims have made it clear they do not want me there (think last name) cause if I had ever seen a Jerboa in real life, I would have either suffered life-ending hyperventilation or text messaged Al-Qaeda (I wonder if they are on Verizon?) to come put me out of my misery. If Muslims and Jews ever learn from the fawn and bobcat and someday get along, I'm still not hittin' up Islamabad.

Oh, no - I just read that they are very good burrowers. If those bastards get through the Earth's core² and end up in SoCal, I'm setting so many glue traps...fuck it, I'm covering myself in glue and will be a human Jerboa trap - take that pygmy bitches!

1 - Remember when Johnny Depp got eaten by his bed? The music in this version is AWESOME.

2 - Yes, I realize it is more likely for them to arrive via a rare-species smuggler, I was exaggerating for effect...it's what writers do...get over it. And no, I don't know if I used the right effect/affect and I don't give a crap.

**A slight retraction: I did some YouTubing and it turns out I don't hate all Jerboas. I think these Egyptian guys are pretty awesome.