Our Duty is Your Doodie - Literally

Why is Barbie's dog eating the poop?
Image from MentalFloss

As the economy is dying, a new business is booming - pet waste removal. Yes, just as it sounds, these companies come to your home and pick up the poop from your yard. Costing about $100-150/month, poop pioneers can expect to make anywhere from $30,000 as a solo scooper into the multi millions as a chain owner.

This is absurd on many levels. First of all, if you have a gardener, they will do this for no additional charge. Second, it would take you ten minutes, once a week to bend the fuck over and pick the shit up yourself - turn off The Real Housewives of Who Gives a Shit and get off the couch for some excrement exercise. And lastly, defecation duty is part of being a pet owner - would you pay someone to change your kid's diapers? Wait, that's called a nanny.

The pet-waste-removal specialists advertise that they are not a service of convenience but one of environmental and health necessity. What if the poop gets in the drinking water? What if your child comes into contact with puppy parasites? What if we make up bogus reasons for you to justify use of our worthless service?

Note: This post is angry due to alcoholic intake both prior to, and during, writing. Maybe I'm just bitter because high school drop outs are making $20/hour picking up a little feces while I have a Masters degree and am making $0/hour slaving away at my keyboard. Would you click on my damn ads people! Throw me a freakin bone here...but not a rawhide bone...because that makes Scout poop more...and lord knows, I am not turning off Real Housewives of Blow My Face Off to walk the little fucker.