From Dirty Jersey (technically NY) to Dirty Cali

From Thesaurus.com:

Main Entry:scout
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: investigate, check out
Synonyms: case, examine, explore, ferret, have a look-see, hunt, inspect, look for, observe, probe, reconnoiter, run reconnaissance, rustle up, search, seek, set eyes on, spot, spy, stake out, survey, take in, track down, watch

This past week Scout was sick with some tummy issues (let’s leave it at that as the details are rather disgusting). She did not act sick and had quite a lot of energy, but, for the sake of all Scout’s friends, we did not go to the park. Instead, we took an hour long walk each day, as we do on all non-park days. The following is a list of all the things Scout found on the Santa Monica streets, grass and bushes over the course of six days. Use the key below to decode.

E = Eaten
PE = Partially Eaten
TA = Taken Away (Scout can swallow anything in split seconds so this doesn’t occur often)
RU = Ripped up (into a million pieces)

6 Chicken bones – PE
2 Chicken bones – TA
½ of a Medium Size Pizza – PE
1 Baby doll arm – RU before TA
2 Slices jellied white toast – E
1 Panera Ciabatta – PE
1 Undetermined dead animal (she smelled for 2 seconds before I pulled her away and almost puked)
1 Muffin foil – E
1 Singing donkey keychain - TA (potentially the one from Shrek)
1 Egg McMufffin wrapper – PE
3 Pieces of gum – E
1 Package of gum – TA
Numerous diarrhea-inducing tree berries – E
½ of Church yard sale advertisement – RU (must be Dave’s agnostic influence)
1 Raw hotdog – PE before TA
12 Peanut shells – PE
1 Empty bag of Popsecret microwave popcorn – PE and RU
4 Bird bones – TA (Yes, I can tell them from chicken bones - they are hollow)
1 Neon pink used paper plate – RU
2 Sticks of butter – PE
1 Sailor hat (adult size with "Knot E'Nuff" written on it) – TA
2 Cigarette butts – TA
1 Sesame seed hamburger bun – PE
1 Fish carcass – TA (I can’t believe I had to touch this)
2 Globs of hair mixed with goop – TA (Again, I probably have diseases)

This is not a joke. Ask anyone who has been on a walk with Scout or had Scout for a weekend (Jenny, JJ, Dave K…comments?). She truly lives up to her name.

My question is: why is there so much crap scattered around NW Santa Monica? What kind of a person just tosses half a sandwich into a bush? Do people think they are feeding the squirrels? And why are there so many chicken bones and peanut shells? I am baffled. Moreover, why am I paying to live in beautiful Santa Monica if there is more garbage here than on and around the NJ Turnpike I came from? Well, at least I am not around the B&T/Jersey Shore jackasses anymore: