The owner that named her Bijon Bijon resembles Jocelyn Wildenstein, aka "Tiger Woman," aka "The Bride of Wildenstein." She has had more plastic surgery than Michael Jackson and has lips six times the plumpness of Angelina Jolie. It seems she does pretty much nothing all day every day, besides injecting botox and undergoing silicon-based operations.
In an attempt to find meaning and purpose in her life, she decided to get a dog. It did not, however, dawn on her to read anything or ask anyone about owning and caring for one. I recently had the following conversation with her:
Tiger Bride: How often do you walk Scout?
Me: Usually about four times a day.
Tiger Bride: That’s it? Bijon has to go out constantly.
Me: Is he sick?
Tiger Bride: I don’t think so, I think he just has a fast metabolism.
Me: What do you feed him?
Tiger Bride: Oh, the usual, so carrots, peapods, broccoli, peppers. And he loves fruit too: apples, mango, kumquat – kumquats are his faaaaavorite.
Me: I think I know why he has to poop so much – that’s way, way too much fiber. Dogs should eat mainly meat.
Tiger Bride: Really? I’ve never fed him that.
Me: They are descendents of wolves so you may want to look into it.
Tiger Bride: Wolves? My Bij Bij baby is not a big scary wolf!
Me: Not anymore.
Tiger Bride: What do you give your dog? Chicken Paillard? Roasted Quail? Filet?
Me: Dog food.
If she was able to move her face, the look on it would have been priceless.
9 months ago
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i can't stand people who treat their dogs like people. my ex boyfriend from highschool fed his dog steak every night and had a portrait of the dog framed over the doggy bed. gross.
ReplyDeleteAre you serious?? Is this for real? OH MY GOD.
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